Wow has it been a while or has it been a while? I always say that I will get better at writing and posting, but lets be honest...blogging has never been my strong suit. Whenever I think that I should blog I realize that my life is probably pretty boring compared to most. I mean, who wants to hear about my work and dating woes? Then I remember that no matter how excited my blog posts are, no one really reads them anyways, so who cares? I guess its more of a journaling thing, where I just pour my thoughts onto the computer page and hope for the best. That's all I can really do in this world full of people who don't care (at least that's the impression they want). Not caring is a defense mechanism, a way to get out easy. By doing this, they aren't humbling themselves, admitting to their faults, and letting others in to help). People are afraid that if they listen and if they can learn from the people around them, that it makes them look weak. So all I can do is put it all out there, share my thoughts and feelings. Put my heart on my sleeve, and hope that someone out there reads this blog and learns something from me because that's the whole point in us all living on this planet together. To learn and lean, be supportive and let yourself be supported.

I have always considered myself a bit of a deep thinker. I like my solitude sometimes, where I can just sit and think, with no distractions. I feel like it is my mental workout. Going back for a minute to what I was saying about people having defense mechanisms.You see those people that are never by themselves? Ever? This is one of the most common tendencies of people who have their walls up. They cant go anywhere or do anything on their own. And I'm not talking about a trip to the grocery store or getting to class on time. Its when their opinions change with whoever they are with or they rely too much on other people to sculpt their personality and perspective. There is such thing as an unhealthy amount of leaning, there needs to be a balance between leaning and being leaned on. A part of growing up and realizing who we are is to be able to be by ourselves. Not in an antisocial or physical way at all, but to just be comfortable to sit and think, have independent opinions, regardless of the company. One has to feel comfortable in their own skin before they can share it with someone else successfully and supportively.

Which is the next point I would like to make. A relationship most likely isn't going to work if one of the two isnt a learner or a leaner. These two things are the basics of a successful human relationship. Learning and leaning. Like I said, there needs to be a balance. Someone cant be all leaning and no being leaned on. Also with learning. The relationship isn't going to work if one person is all teaching and no learning. It is a give and take. When you ask someone what they want in their future spouse or best friend the most common responses are: "respect" "good listener" "loves me no matter what". These are all very valid points and people should want these and expect them. But what about when the couple is faced with a hard decision? A decision that they don't agree on? Those three points come in handy right about here. Now lets incorporate learning and leaning in with these three expectations when making the decision. Learning. Before they even discuss the decision, each member of the relationship should have this question in their head, "is there something I can learn from him/her in this discussion?". This way humility is set in even before anything happens, therefore automatically making them both good listeners. Now leaning. They need to realize that that other person is their spouse. At one point they made a promise to each other to work things out in hard situations. They promised each other that they were no longer two people, but one. So making this choice shouldn't make them pull against each other as independents, but push towards a better "them", a middle ground. Without even realizing it, they have incorporated respect, respect of the mutual Goals and dreams of each other.

If you follow those basics, love comes on its own. Love comes when both people do all they can to make each other the best-version-of-themselves.


I hope you guys all enjoyed what I had to say. This is my passion. The emotional connections between people and why people do what they do. So I hope that it made sense. I would like to think I got the right idea or somewhere close :)